How to Survive a Kitchen Remodel

There were moments I didn't think I'd make it. There were moments I wasn't "making it", depending on your definition. One desperate night, I cried for four hours straight. Jordan offered to take me to a hotel. The dust was making me crazy. But somehow I survived. And you, too can survive a kitchen remodel. But not without my tips. Here they are.

1. Set up a temporary kitchen.

You will need: a flat surface on which to place a crock pot, a toaster oven, and a microwave. If you can get your hands on a camp stove, all the better. We were kindly loaned one, but never actually used it because I am intimated by all things that require a propane tank. However, having it nearby gave me great peace of mind. You never know when you might need to make emergency scrambled eggs.

2. Accept that this is a season of paper plates.

These grilled cheeses were made in the toaster oven.
(They weren't good. Should have used the camp stove.)

I recommend getting loads of the flimsy, cheap paper ones and purchasing a small pack of the thick, sturdy, plastic kind. Use a new paper plate for each meal, but layer it over a plastic one for sturdiness. Or, if your great aunt still has the woven wicker plates that were used for the same purposes in the 80s, borrow those.

In order to push away feelings of guilt for creating waste, I recommend either moving away from Colorado, or throwing everything away with reckless abandon as a kind of systematic desensitization. (This is especially difficult if you've recently lived in Germany, but press on.) This means no saving the plastic knife. Even if you only used it to butter your bagel. You are in a fragile state and wiping butter off the knife will cause you too much stress. Exception: If your temporary kitchen has a sink, you are allowed, but not required, to wash plastic utensils.

3. Crock Pot Freezer Meals

Cabinet Installation 

In order to use those paper plates, you will need to spend the two days before demolition furiously cooking 42 meals. Store them in plastic bags, label, and freeze them. And if you don't have easy sink access, you may want to purchase crock pot liners for the actual cooking of the meals. These were invented by a desperate woman during her kitchen remodel (probably). I'm sure they leached toxic plasticness into our meals, but they sure made clean up easy.

4. Find someone who needs a house sitter.

Lovely dinner with the family, compliments of the Kennedy's kitchen

When I thought I couldn't handle any more kitchen construction, some of our best friends left to vacation in Florida. It worked out great for all of us. I escaped the mice that had invaded my temporary kitchen, fed their sweet dog, and used their kitchen to make breakfast, lunch and dinner. Each day I would load up a bag of groceries and drive seven blocks to their clean, functioning kitchen. I went on a baking spree that week, and also re-stocked my freezer with crock pot meals.

If this is not a viable option, think outside the box. Why not bring a dozen eggs to hardboil next time you babysit? Or fill a box of dirty dishes to wash at your friends' next dinner party? (Make sure they are very good friends.) Also, go on lots of picnics.


5. When all else fails, escape.

When I really was at the end of my rope (during the week of the four hour cry followed by the desperate hotel offer), salvation came in the form of some backup. With perfect timing, my Mom and my brother showed up in Denver. Cody braved the dust to help Jordan put together cabinets, and was re-payed in chipotle meals. My Mom whisked me away to Colorado Springs, where we enjoyed a girls' weekend, sleeping in featherbeds, and eating out. There was no dust to be seen. I gradually became sane again.

* * *

And finally, a few things we would do differently. If we could start over, we wouldn't demolish the kitchen weeks before we actually started work. But this is the first time we've flipped a house on purpose (the first one was by accident) and we didn't know any better. We would also not order cabinets from IKEA when they were all on backorder. This would have saved us at least five trips so far. The only other thing Jordan recently told me he'd change is the entire design of the kitchen. He explained this amazing plan to make it U-shaped, by moving the sink and the door to the bathroom. Then he would put in one of those garage doors that cool restaurants have instead of windows. Oh well.

But at this point, it's hard to look back with regrets because the kitchen looks SO awesome. I am allowed to brag because I had almost nothing to do with it, except for begging Jordan to lay the subway tile in a herringbone pattern. It's beautiful. You will be jealous. I am jealous that someone else gets to enjoy it when we sell in three weeks (hopefully). And it's going on the blog tomorrow!