Renovation Realities: Another Behind the Scenes Look

I recently came across an application for a show called Renovation Realities. I haven't applied (yet)...still waiting to hear back about America's Most Desperate Kitchen. They really need to hurry up and start filming because the stainless steel appliances we found on Craigslist are making our kitchen look much less desperate.

However, if I was on a reality show about living in the home you're renovating, I think I would have high ratings. I say this with complete humility, and actually humiliation, because, to put it mildly, I have been freaking out a lot lately. If there was a secret camera room in our house where I was encouraged to voice all my true feelings about house flipping, you would hear me confess that today I beat a throw pillow against my kitchen table while cursing the dust that covered the floor, the furniture, the walls, the mirrors, and even the vacuum I was going to use to clean it up. Except that I couldn't find the vacuum extension piece. And this is what led to the flogging of the kitchen table with the flowered pillow.

And then the scene would cut to a moment earlier in the day when, after becoming fed up with cleaning bits of grout and plaster off of my bed, I hurled my phone down (onto the bed) and commenced screaming while my phone called my brother without my permission. I didn't stop hollering till I heard, "Hello? Kate? Hello?" I hung up the phone without a word, and thought about yelling some more, but my throat was beginning to hurt. So I just sort of crumpled onto the bed and lay there for a while.

People only want to watch you wallow in a heap on your bed for about five seconds, so next they would pan to the secret tell-your-feelings-to-the-camera room where I would be plunging into feelings of deep guilt over the fact that I cannot handle a bit of dust. Some people in this world have real problems, Kate. And besides, this dust is creating some beautiful things for you: A dishwasher that actually washes the dishes; fixtures that are no longer almond colored, but fresh, crisp white; and a shower you can use without fear of falling through to the floor below. At this point I would probably make an offensive analogy about how similar this experience must be to childbirth--how I feel like I can barely handle it right now, but in the end, the herringbone subway tile and granite countertops will make me forget how painful it was.

Anyway, I'm glad I'm not on a house flipping reality show, so that no one can see that ugly side of me. No one except Jordan, who worked for five days straight to (nearly) finish the master bathroom while I was out of town so that my mental breakdowns could be kept to a minimum. And after coming home from home depot today and finding me in such a state, he swiftly installed a new dishwasher, got the bathroom sink in working order, and made a second trip to home depot so he could hook up the water purifier.  And though my husband's secret camera room feelings might reveal that he wishes I had stayed in Florida longer, or that he had married someone who didn't mind the disarray as much as me, I wouldn't want to be doing this with anyone else. He is so patient with me. He is actually installing a clawfoot tub as I write. And you know by now that clawfoot tubs are my love language.

But back to that objectionable analogy about childbirth. The dust IS creating some gorgeous bathrooms. I can't wait to post pictures of them soon, but for now, they are all three under construction, each with one completed aspect. We shower in the guest bathroom, take a bath in the downstairs bathroom, and take care of everything else in the master bathroom. If I ignore the grout filled master bath shower, the extra sink top and cans of paint in the guest bath, and the fact that a tub is the only fixture in the downstairs bath, it actually feels kind of fancy. Three different bathrooms--each with it's own special purpose? It drips of extravagance. But at some point soon I really think we might finish one of them, and at that point, I promise I will fill the blog with more pictures and details about our renovated bathroom than you ever cared to know, just like a proud new parent.